One healthy child, followed by 3 miscarriages. That was me.
I finally made the decision to see a fertility specialist. His first words were, “Don’t get pregnant until we figure this out.”
Oops. Yah. You guessed it. I was already pregnant when I went in to see him. The pregnancy was confirmed after we did $500 worth of lab work. Thankfully we learned a little from the lab results, and we did a bit of a shotgun approach. He prescribed a handful of meds and put me on bed rest.
I Don’t Wanna Be in the Dark
I really wanted to know if I was going to be able to carry this child full term, but it seemed the heavens were silent on this matter. That was hard. But ya know? I believe something magical takes place when we turn our will over to the Lord. I felt at peace, and all was well.
This hymn speaks volumes about what I felt:
Lead, kindly Light.
Amid the encircling gloom.
Lead thou me on!
The night is dark,
And I am far from home;
Lead thou me on!
Keep thou my feet;
I do not ask to see the distant scene—
One step enough for me.
Being Okay with NOT Knowing
I didn’t know how it would turn it out. But I had done all I could do, and I found peace knowing that I was in the Lord’s hands. I realized that I didn’t have to know the end. Knowing only one step ahead was enough. But I believed it would all be okay, whatever the outcome.
When the day finally came to rush to the hospital, I didn’t know if we would be coming home with a baby or not. She was in distress when she was born, and there was an emergency medical pediatric team in the room with us, waiting for her debut into the world. The umbilical cord was wrapped like a cocoon around her little body, and she was holding onto it for dear life. She was immediately whisked away, and I began to cry.
My OB looked me in the eye and assured me that she was going to be alright.
One Step WAS Enough
The tears weren’t because I was afraid. They abundantly flowed because every cell in my body knew that she was going to be fine. I could finally “see the distant scene” and knew how things would turn out. And I absolutely knew that God was at the helm. HE knew every step of the way, so only one step was enough for me.
Enjoying the Journey with Differences
I hope my bold reference to God doesn’t offend you, because I want to be authentic. I don’t know what your beliefs are, but I believe in and try to follow the teachings of Jesus Christ. I don’t want you to be surprised when He comes up on this blog, because it will happen. He is everything to me.
Whether you believe the way I do or not doesn’t matter to this conversation. I feel like we can respect our differences, learn from each other, and enjoy our journey as we walk each other home.