DISCLAIMER: I doubt you will learn anything from this post . . . but it just might make you smile.
Have you ever recognized something you’d never noticed before, and suddenly you see occurrences of it everywhere?
I blame my husband. Completely. A number of years ago he dragged me to a handgun training, almost kicking and screaming. It ended up being a surprisingly good experience. When we got home and people asked us about the trip, we both individually, and with gusto, told them that we had “a BLAST!”
Not “a great time.” Not “so much fun.” Not “an exciting trip.” No no. “A BLAST!” It just slipped out of our mouths. And then we felt a little stupid — as if the whole thing had been premeditated. Because, of course, the sound of guns makes a blast.
Once my husband pointed this out to me, he ruined my life. I notice it everywhere, and when I do, I inevitably start laughing uncontrollably. And people look at me. Like I’m stupid. Until they finally catch on and give a courtesy laugh.
Let me share a couple of them with you.
While driving past the snow-covered goat pen and seeing our goat out of place, I asked, “What is that goat even doing?” One of the kids piped up, “Oh. It’s just chillin’.”
On another occasion my daughter told me that she had looked all over the thrift shop for a blender and couldn’t find one. Then she proceeded to explain that she definitely could have missed it had there been one, because everything just kind of blended in.
You think those are bad? Just keep reading. They get worse.
My husband and I were driving in some pretty bad sleet to meet some good friends for lunch. The more severe the weather became, the more we questioned our sanity. Finally my husband said, “I wonder if we should ask for a rain check.”
Now. I realize that the expression “rain check” came about from getting future admittance to a baseball game that had inclement weather — but it’s seldom used that way anymore. Just sayin’.
So why do these ridiculous things come out of our mouths? Does our brain have a file that contains related words? Does our subconscious work overtime to make us funny? Is this something we can stop? Should it be stopped?
Here’s another. And I’m not trying to be irreverent . . . this really happened. One of my boys read about a really strange situation in the news that had ended in someone’s death. We were all a little incredulous and thought he was teasing. We said so, and he said, “No. I’m dead serious.”
See what I mean? It just spills out. We say these things all the time . . . and it usually goes unnoticed. Maybe we’re a lot wittier that we thought we were.
One of my married daughters reported this next one. Her younger sister went to work with her at the thrift shop one morning. She was laughing so hard that she had to call home and tell me her “funny.” Apparently the two of them were discussing educational and career opportunities for the future. She has planned to become a yoga instructor for a couple of years. So when she told my younger daughter that she was considering getting a Montessori teaching certificate, she expressed her confusion. “I thought you were going to become a yoga instructor.” My married daughter explained, “You have to understand . . . being a full-time yoga instructor is a bit of a stretch.”
Wasn’t that great? Just watch. When you start noticing these “serious goofs”, you’ll find that some of them will tickle your funny bone enough to make a phone call of your own to share it with someone you love.
This final one is just as silly as the others. My wonderful husband, son, and son-in-law worked really hard last summer to re-tile the floor in the front room and kitchen. The project was finally completed while I was gone for a few hours, and I was delighted with the result. I walked in and said, “Oh my word! I am absolutely floored with the way this has turned out.”
Perhaps we’ll never know why we say these things. Maybe it’s just me. You may never appreciate the silly nuances of these odd little phrases, and that’s okay. But if it’s contagious, and my writing has brought you to a new awareness, you just may be able to enjoy this sickening use of the English language.